MOTHER'S DAY POST - May 10, 2020 by Shirley Souder

There “MOTHER’S DAY” – 2020

What is your definition of a Mom and how will you celebrate this year?

By:    Shirley Faith Souder                      Proverbs 31                              May 10, 2020

            When Tracy asked me to write about Mother’s Day, I initially felt like I didn’t know what to say.  And, we all know that, that would be quite a show stopper if I had nothing to say.

            As an only child with my mother being gone since 2007, and technically I have no birth children, who will listen to me about Mother’s Day.  So, I began really praying, and thinking.

I asked several friends who call me mom and who have said,” I wish you had been my mom!”   . . .Why?    It is quite daunting, always has been.  I have been a step-mother and step-grandmother that is true.  Yet, there is still that birth-mother thing that makes all the difference in the world.  Casey Treat says in his book “Healing the Orphaned Heart”, that professionals are still trying to find out what makes the family tick, or not.  We can have wonderful parenting experiences and close relationships to celebrate at this time of year; however, we can also have miscommunication and broken ties with moms as well as dads.  All we can ever understand is that due to life’s issues, broken promises, and choices that Proverbs 23 says”, guard your heart, for out of it springs the issues of life.

            Personally, I did not have a bonded and close relationship with my mother.  After a lot of counseling, reading and education, I realized that so many of us just didn’t have a frame of reference to know how to mother.  Some mothers are just too broken to know how to mother.

            That is where my friends came in by responding about their feelings coming from that same experience. They saw in me “an unconditional love and acceptance for them”.  They needed that in their lives and got that from me.  That was very hard to embrace.  I feel like I have really struggled in my life without that clear frame of reference. More than once I feel I have missed the mark.   Counseling helped, education helped, pouring over scriptures, praying and then finding some books I highly recommend.

            Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Wilder Etc.

            Reframing Your Hurts – by his protégé Barbara Moon

            Healing the Orphaned Heart – by Casey Treat.

            As little girls and boys we all need acceptance and unconditional positive regard.  Love, forgiveness.  We needed to play, to cry, to have fun, to have attention.  And, here is the bottom line.  No matter what has happened in your life, it still is a choice to guard your heart, and change.  To want that heart, to want love and be loved. To learn how to do that no matter what it takes.   It takes making a choice for Conviction, Commitment and Change.  So, some of us will have to celebrate alone on Mother’s Day, or we have chosen families who warmly embrace

and take us in.  That has been my choice and I thank my wonderful friends who make that happen for me. There are also those of you have recently lost a mother, or still grieve for that woman who loved and honored you as a person.  Write her a letter on Sunday.  Thank you her, treasure that memory. Enjoy your day with wonderful experiences of birth mothers and relationships you have celebrated and will continue to celebrate.  I believe God pointed me to them, and them to me.  Sunday, I will get to sit around a table with people I love and they love me.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. MAY 10, 2020

There “MOTHER’S DAY” – 2020

What is your definition of a Mom and how will you celebrate this year?

By:    Shirley Faith Souder                  Proverbs 31                            May 10, 2020

            When Tracy asked me to write about Mother’s Day, I initially felt like I didn’t know what to say.  And, we all know that, that would be quite a show stopper if I had nothing to say.

            As an only child with my mother being gone since 2007, and technically I have no birth children, who will listen to me about Mother’s Day.  So, I began really praying, and thinking.

I asked several friends who call me mom and who have said,” I wish you had been my mom!”   . . .Why?    It is quite daunting, always has been.  I have been a step-mother and step-grandmother that is true.  Yet, there is still that birth-mother thing that makes all the difference in the world.  Casey Treat says in his book “Healing the Orphaned Heart”, that professionals are still trying to find out what makes the family tick, or not.  We can have wonderful parenting experiences and close relationships to celebrate at this time of year; however, we can also have miscommunication and broken ties with moms as well as dads.  All we can ever understand is that due to life’s issues, broken promises, and choices that Proverbs 23 says”, guard your heart, for out of it springs the issues of life.

            Personally, I did not have a bonded and close relationship with my mother.  After a lot of counseling, reading and education, I realized that so many of us just didn’t have a frame of reference to know how to mother.  Some mothers are just too broken to know how to mother.

            That is where my friends came in by responding about their feelings coming from that same experience. They saw in me “an unconditional love and acceptance for them”.  They needed that in their lives and got that from me.  That was very hard to embrace.  I feel like I have really struggled in my life without that clear frame of reference. More than once I feel I have missed the mark.   Counseling helped, education helped, pouring over scriptures, praying and then finding some books I highly recommend.

            Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You by James Wilder Etc.

            Reframing Your Hurts – by his protégé Barbara Moon

            Healing the Orphaned Heart – by Casey Treat.

            As little girls and boys we all need acceptance and unconditional positive regard.  Love, forgiveness.  We needed to play, to cry, to have fun, to have attention.  And, here is the bottom line.  No matter what has happened in your life, it still is a choice to guard your heart, and change.  To want that heart, to want love and be loved. To learn how to do that no matter what it takes.   It takes making a choice for Conviction, Commitment and Change.  So, some of us will have to celebrate alone on Mother’s Day, or we have chosen families who warmly embrace

and take us in.  That has been my choice and I thank my wonderful friends who make that happen for me. There are also those of you have recently lost a mother, or still grieve for that woman who loved and honored you as a person.  Write her a letter on Sunday.  Thank you her, treasure that memory. Enjoy your day with wonderful experiences of birth mothers and relationships you have celebrated and will continue to celebrate.  I believe God pointed me to them, and them to me.  Sunday, I will get to sit around a table with people I love and they love me.

           

May 1, 2020. "Are you ready. . .?

“ARE YOU READY TO CLIMB OUT OF THAT PIT?”

“Together, let’s tear up that card we carry to the S.P.P.P.!”

(“Self-Pity-Pit Party”)

By:  Shirley Faith Souder.     May 1^st. 2020                            James 4: 7 and 8. / Zeph 3: 14/17

            This topic is not a new topic by any means.  You have heard this term many times.  When I was in college back in the day I would hear this term used constantly.  “Why does the human form love to dwell in that very deep pit of “poor me?”  Back then, I was an idealist and always perky.  Everything would always be okay, just wait a few minutes, like Indiana weather, it will change and be okay!  Well, everyone; time, experience of time, or as they say age, changes those events.  I began to see that fallacy just this year.  Covid -19 has driven me into a wall and I got pretty banged up.  All those wonderful counseling tools, and Biblical specific passages, devotional encouragements got a little lost. 

            Seriously, I have asked myself, do you need counseling?  Do you need anti-depressants?  Have you gone to the dark side?  Are you reaching towards Bi-Polar Personality Disorder?  One day, doing very well, and the next throwing a Pity Party to beat all parties. 

            I was feeling particularly disappointed in myself when I read something from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling on April 26^th.  From what Jesus indicated to her, we are to climb up out of that pit we fell in and go to the ladder that climbs upward.  There we need to see Jesus and look at our life from His perspective.  Wow!  I love that.  I never thought about it that way.  There we can see how He loves us, has all our details in His hands, and give us options.  A whole new look from a higher place.  Another favorite author of mine, Beth Moore wrote a book on Falling in the Pits.  That there are four types of pits the enemy throws our way for us to trip over.  1). We know we are a little down about something and so we consider walking by the party room downstairs.  2).  We get too close and are looking in at the fun of a good self-pity party when all of a sudden, we fall into it.  3).  We don’t walk to the pit, we run and jump in.  4).  We’re tempted to look down, go to turn away and are pushed in.

            Please remember that the natural, human side of us will always entertain an issue presented to us.  “What should I do with this?”  We were given free-will, remember? We do have a choice, unfortunately.  I remember counseling people about the tools necessary to make those choices NOT to even go close to those pits.  Life throws us curves.  Our personalities determine a lot of how we respond or react.  So, what am I saying here?  Don’t go beating up on yourself for entertaining, and having a small gathering at your party.  No guilt trips, okay.

            Just . . .1) Be aware that something just came into your mind that you don’t like and has taken you inside.  You aren’t smiling.  You feel tired, depressed, discouraged, outraged, shameful, now what?  2)  It is Choice time.  What are YOU going to choose to do?

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            Here are some ideas:

            I wrote out a 5 X 7 Card and stuck it to my bulletin board. 

            NO DOUBLE MINDEDNESS IS ALLOWED HERE.   JAMES 4: 7 AND 8.

                        . . . . .Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts (minds) you double minded.

            Do I do that every time, no, but I am doing it more often.  That is what He loves.  When we work at it and are committed to change. 

            Then I wrote out Zephaniah 3: 14 through 17.  I wrote this out for my personal good. (God understands we need to do that sometimes). “Sing Shirley, Shout out aloud.  Be glad and rejoice with all your heart Shirley.  The Lord has taken away my anguish and punishment and HE HAS TURNED BACK YOUR ENEMY!  (I sing that song Raise A Hallelujah – in the presence of my enemies).  The Lord my King is with me I do not have to fear harm, or go limp over depression.  He is with me and He saves me.  Here comes the best part.

            “He will take great delight in you (me, Shirley) in His love he will no longer rebuke me (you),  but . . .will REJOICE over me (you) with singing.”

            See, that’s those options we can see from atop the ladder with Him, that I mentioned before.   That is the picture I want to stick in my mind through this whole Covid 19 thing and any other thing that comes my way.  I also call my prayer partners to pray with me and that pulls me out even faster.  It is easy to get thrown under the bus, you know, you have had it happen to you.  It is your choice to climb out, get on the ladder and go up to see Jesus.

            Tear up your card to the S.P.P.P. and spend more time listening to Him sing over you!